Because my girls are so close in age much of their toddler-hood is a blur to my husband and I.
If you have children or nieces and nephews you should understand.
But tonight around the table and on our frequent travels here and there, these little people share their inner most thoughts and stories with me. Always I am startled by the depth of the things they understand and are able to convey.
My youngest daughter is the spaz in our family, like me as a kid, she gets more wild and loud as she gets excited.
I TOTALLY get it!
I am still LOUD and OVERPOWERING in most social situations. But she is also very kind, tender and forgiving.
Above all she is forgiving, if we have had a tough day and I’ve yelled all day or she got in trouble and used her “weekly do-over” then, I try to ALWAYS apologize to her before she goes to sleep. It’s a tough thing to humble yourself to your own children and say “I’m sorry Mommy should not have yelled at you or I lost my temper and that was not a good example, I am sorry.”
But she never fails to say “I forgive you Mommy, it’s ok” and when she says it I know that she means it with her whole heart, which makes me feel even worse. But I get a glimpse of how God must see us, He forgives us no matter how awful our sin or transgression, because he LOVES us so much.
This humbles me to my core and I am awed with the great task of raising these little people.
My older daughter is the practical child, the one that pushes herself to always improve at school, sports, reading, etc. But she too is also kind, tender and responsible. She is always helping me with lists, reminding me where we need to be, who I am supposed to call, etc. She is like my little personal assistant.
She is also many times the keeper of the memories, in the blur of changing diapers and sleepless nights I forgot many little moments and she keeps them tucked away for us to reminisce about.
Like the time the lights through the “forest” behind our house scared her one night (they were street lights to another neighborhood, not the aliens she feared they were).
But because she was afraid and never really had trouble sleeping I took her for a late night milkshake and to show her the street lights that were worrying her. She may have been 3 1/2 and she still remembers this special field trip with me late at night.
My oldest is going through that strange phase where kids are breaking off and into subgroups. It’s so hard to just tell her NONE of this will matter in 20 years, I promise. I just want her to be kind and stand up for herself and others.
Sometimes my husband says I “tell” them too much. For example if I hear of some recent terror attack or shooting I know they will be praying at school for these victims most likely. I want to try explain why sometimes these things happen.
I’ve told them to NEVER forget that ALL good things come from God. Every single good and wonderful thing comes from the Lord and if you believe in God you have to believe in the devil. Every evil wicked thing comes from Satan.
Once we were listening to a Miranda Lambert song and the lyrics said “she’s been sleeping in the devils bed” my youngest asked “Mommy does the devil sleep?” I had to answer her truthfully and tell her “No sweetie, he never sleeps he just prowls the earth looking for ways to trip us up” At the time she wasn’t old enough to understand the concepts of sin.
This past Christmas Eve we made a nice dinner and tracked Santa on the computer. Isabella had a fever so we didn’t get a chance to go to Christmas Eve mass.
At dinner I asked my family to name one thing that they were grateful for.
Right away Sophia (10) said
“Can it be more than one thing?”
Me
“Of course!”
Sophia wanted to go first so she said
“I am grateful for my faith and my family”
To which her sister said
“HEY I was gonna say that!”
This wasn’t about her not being able to come up with her own comment, it was just something she wanted to say as her own, too.
These are the times when I know I am doing something right. Or when I sit with my children in Church, I know in the most instinctive way that this is THE best and most important thing I may be doing all week!
As a parent I think we all second guess our daily choices.
Raising kids is NOT for the faint of heart. It is a serious undertaking full of pitfalls, perils and life long ramifications.
SPOILER ALERT!
Sometime last year (5th grade) Isabella was told by a classmate that there was NO Santa. She came to me and asked I told her as long as she believed she would still receive.
I could tell that she so sad, that magic was snatched away before she was ready. She asked if the Elf’s On The Shelf, were real?
Have you seen these, little Scout Elves, that report back to Santa every night about children’s behavior leading up to Christmas Eve. Meanwhile parents have to think of places to hide/pose or make shenanigans with these elves every night Dec 1st till Christmas Eve when they return to the North Pole till next year.
Somehow I thought this would be a great idea to have TWO, one for each girls.
WRONG, this just increased my stress each night as I was just falling off to sleep I would panic because I had forgotten to move the ELVES! A few times this season, my husband moved them and then we both forgot where we hid them.
So this year Isabella (11) told me “Mom there is NO Way those Elves are real.”
WHAT!? That was the last shred of magic I had left up my sleeve.
I explained to her, that this was something that MOST parents do for their children and pass along this tradition. To keep a small glimmer of magic in childhood.
So now that she knew she could help with all the “behind the scenes” “magic” that I had been doing alone every year.
So she helped with stocking stuffers, wrapping, shopping for gifts from “Santa” and best of all MOVING the elves and staging them each night I was too tired to. I think this was her favorite part.
But mostly she got a glimpse into all the little things that I had been doing every year to make Christmas special for she and her sister.
As my girls have gotten older they realize more each year how the “holidays” that we celebrate in Church are more about Jesus and his birth or resurrection then about Santa or the Easter bunny.
So this last Christmas I realized like at other stages in their lives so far that I just want to STOP time and keep my little family like this forever.
This is a bitter-sweet time, I will miss keeping the Santa magic going (I may have one more year with Sophia) but it’s been a wonderful time in being their mama.
So to all those moms and dads struggling through the terrible two’s or a first-born, cherish it! In your sleep deprived mind, remember these little firsts.
It will fly by in the blink of an eye and I know you don’t believe me because you’re just SO tired, but take it from this mama “You’re Gonna Miss This” (by Trace Adkins) pretty much sums it up.
You’re gonna wish for a time machine that could take you back to those sweet days or speed you past the sassy mouth teen years. Or a snow globe to shrink your family just the way it is RIGHT Now.
Your friend,
Pilar The Papist Squirrel
The Papist Squirrel 